how was it only 31 days ago that you were here with me? i spoke to you on the phone even though you were in a coma and you heard me speaking. i spoke to you 40ish days ago and you told me you were coming to see me and meet steve and you would be around until i got married. it's been the fastest and slowest 30 days of my life. everything is different, nothing will ever be the same. people expect me to snap out of it but i still can't figure out how to live my life without you. i'll never have another dad, never call anyone dad again. you were my daddy and i'll never love anyone the way i loved you. i still think of calling you every day to talk about something funny or to show off the english weather when it is (rarely) gorgeous. or talk to you about physical fitness, computers...anything. you were so smart and you were a touchstone. i'm just existing now i haven't figured out how to live.
i've surrounded myself in your things but it hasn't erased the void. i'd trade everything if it meant one more minute one more day with you to tell you how i loved you and looked up to you. you'll never meet steve and you'll enver walk me down the aisle. you'll never be a grandparent for me or rachel.
i miss you so much, i wish you'd come back
1 comment:
oh, sissy. i hear what you are saying and i kind of know how you feel. i'm afraid i still haven't really begun a grief process, except that i feel full of rage and anxiety and panic. i don't talk about him at all, to anyone. i just can't seem to get motivated to bring it up. i miss you.
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